In a Rare But Bold Campaign Move John Fetterman Curses His Opponents to Heck

by Craig Hartranft on April 9, 2022

in American Culture & Politics, Humor & Satire

Fetterman vs LaveyIn a bold and rare political move, John Fetterman, currently campaigning for Pennsylvania’s Senate seat being vacated by Pat Toomey, has cursed his fellow competing candidates.

“I curse all of my opponents; Democrats and Republicans alike! Eat cow poop and die! Everyone of you. I curse you all to Heck!”

So said Fetterman (who some have suggested is the reincarnation of High Priest of the King of Heck, Anton Lavey), speaking recently at a campaign rally in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Supporters cheered enthusiastically by roaring in unison, “All hail Fetterman! All hail the dark one!”

Some opponents responded to his devilish provocation. Dr Oz reportedly said, “What? Can’t you see that I’m the high priest of the netherworld.” Fellow Demo Conor Lamb, quoting Shakespeare, intoned, “Hell is empty and all the devils are here!” Republican honeypot and Trump sycophant ass licker, Carla Sands added, “I’m so hot for that devilish little bad boy.” When told he was not little, but six foot eight, she responded, “Which part?”